After the post-election burnout, the need to avoid legitimate news sources and/or any statistically-based predictive modeling, I need a dose of funny shit. Lucky me as Vanity Fair lucked into a copy of Thomas Kinkade’s memo for making his pastel hued, projector launched nightmare of cozy old lady sentimentality and drunken Sigfried and Roy heckling Christmas Cottage as cloying to the eye as his, um, prints. Big score for VF because the memo is fucking hilarious as is the commentary from people who can delineate between asses and holes in the ground and the cinematographer among the bunch compares his “vision” to that of a 1960’s era pornographer.
Apparently Kinkade got his start by pooping out how-to guides for artists that were presumably successful and popular. I wonder if his mentorship will extend to the silver screen as he lays down some heavyweight goop like item 16:
16) Most important concept of all — THE CONCEPT OF LOVE. Perhaps we could make large posters that simply say “Love this movie” and post them about. I pour a lot of love into each painting, and sense that our crew has a genuine affection for this project. This starts with Michael Campus as a Director who feels great love towards this project, and should filter down through the ranks. Remember: “Every scene is the best scene.”
You can almost hear cast and crew member heads exploding with the frustration of accommodating the douchebag of light. Each and every head explodes with love, warmth, and an unbending belief that after the rapture comes crashing down around us that we will all inhabit hazy, psychedelic Hobbit villages far, far away from the tiresome repenting and gnashing of teeth.
Update
Damn it. Kottke already mentioned this in a very similar post. I need to stop reading primary sources I guess.
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